


You

by Adolpha



Series: Haikyuu!! Songfics [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, M/M, Nobody Actually Dies, Recovery, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 01:02:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14069487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adolpha/pseuds/Adolpha
Summary: Ever heard You by Keaton Henson? Now think of it with Kuroken.





	You

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE TAGS  
> I cannot stress this enough. The first part depicts a suicide attempt so please if it's something that's too much, don't continue. You're mental health matters more than the fic, I promise.  
> Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
> 
> Song Used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxQLNxFA1Mg

_If you must wait, wait for them here in my arms._

_If you must weep, weep in my bed while I sleep._

 

It was never supposed to be like this. Kuroo was never supposed to have to see the love of his life bleeding out in the bathroom in their apartment. He shouldn’t had to have called the paramedics and try and stop the bleeding alone.

“Kenma, Kenma! Please react to something. Move, groan, reflex, I don’t care. Please, Kenma!” Kuroo screamed as he pulled the other from their tub, now stained red. He laid Kenma out on the floor and assessed the bleeding. He grabbed all the towels they owned and used belts to make tourniquets.

“Ku-ro.” Kenma muttered. Kuroo, not denying his relief at some sort of response, burst into tears.

“Kenma, please just hold on. They’re on their way, don’t worry. Help is coming.” Kuroo sobbed. Kenma was growing pale and his heartbeat slower.

“Kenma! Please, don’t go. You can’t leave me. Kenma!” Kuroo continued sobbing as the paramedics came into the apartment. They asked a couple of quick questions before assessing the situation. Deeming it too difficult to do on the floor of a bathroom, they kept the tourniquets on and loaded Kenma into the back of an ambulance.

 

_If you must mourn my love, mourn with the moon and the stars up above._

_If you must mourn, don’t do it alone._

 

Getting situated in the emergency room wasn’t the difficult part. The difficult part was waiting to hear that Kenma would be fine. It took for what felt like hours until a nurse came out for him.

“Kozume, Kenma?” She rang out. Kuroo went to the station for nurses.

“He lost more blood than originally thought. He’s stable for the moment and is being moved to a watch floor. We suggest talking to a case manager about short term and long term care.” The nurse said. “Oh, and when he gets to the new room, he could be dazed for a couple days.”

Kuroo took the information in and followed the new nurse that came to show him Kenma’s new room. He will never forget the initial reaction to rip out every cord and piece of machinery attached. The nurse walked out and Kuroo was left listening to the sound of the heart monitor measuring Kenma’s slow breaths. He sat in the bedside chair with his head in his hands, having nothing with him because nothing could come in the room. He knew if Kenma were awake, he would give the older man a look and tell him it’s not as bad as it seems. But with Kenma being the one in the bed, it’s worse. Kuroo’s shoulders shook and shook for the entire night while the other fought to stay in stable condition.

 

_If you must leave, leave as though fire burns under your feet._

_If you must speak, speak every word as though it were unique._

 

True to the nurse’s words, Kenma became more aware of his surroundings in the following two days. The first day, they sat in complete silence periodically broken by a nurse checking in or Kuroo taking a minute outside to cry. The second day, Kenma asked for something to do and the nurses gave him a coloring book and crayons. His bandages were changed every three hours because he was still bleeding through them in some places. On the third day, Kenma spoke to Kuroo.

“If you need to go, you can. I can call my mother and we can figure it out. This isn’t our first run.” He said, barely audible.

“I’m not going anywhere, Kenma. I promised you years ago that I would stand by you no matter what. I’ve seen you at your highest and I’m not afraid of your lowest. I have a couple hospital options, if you want to hear them.” Kuroo said firmly but with tears in his eyes.

“I don’t want to talk hospitals right now.” Kenma said. Silence dispersed in the room once more.

“I’m sorry.” Kenma said breaking into tears of his own. Kuroo wasn’t allowed to sit in the same bed but he grabbed Kenma’s hand and squeezed it. Kenma cried for what felt like forever but Kuroo sat there rubbing circles into the other’s hand with his thumb.

 

_If you must die sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life’s best part._

_If you must die, remember your life._

 

On the fourth day, Kenma decided on a hospital to transfer to after his arms healed. On the fourth night, Kuroo was awoken to the sound of the heart monitor slowing in beeps. He checked on Kenma and noticed the blood seeping more than normal. As he was going to push the nurse’s button, a team came into the room and asked him to sit back. They started to change bandages but saw stitches were broken. At that time Kenma began flatlining. One of the nurses began CPR as they set up a breathing tube. Kuroo was terrified as he sat there knowing he couldn’t do anything to help and if he tried he would get in the way. He didn’t care if Kenma could hear him or not. He didn’t care if there was a group of people in the room. He found his way to the top of the bed and kissed Kenma’s forehead.

“I need you to come back, Kenma. I can’t do this without my best friend and soulmate.” He muttered into the hair of his love. The team wheeled him out of the room and didn’t return until he was fully stitched and stable for sure. Six days after being admitted to the E.R., Kenma was moved to a mental rehabilitation facility.

 

_If you must fight, fight with yourself and your thoughts in the night._

_If you must work, work to leave some part of you on this earth._

 

Kenma spent a week in the rehabilitation facility. Nightly visits from Kuroo and daily group therapy provided the ability to establish a mental foundation. Nothing was perfect and he’d have to go through group therapy once he left the facility, but right now, he was able to lay down the foundation to build on. He went home and Kuroo watched him like a hawk. He attended the tri-weekly group therapy sessions. He met with a personal therapist and learned more ways to cope with his social anxiety and the frustrations that come with it. Group therapy sessions ended but he was still seeing his personal therapist. Time went on and wounds healed. The ones on his heart and the ones on his wrists. Kuroo’s wounds took a little longer due to his denial about needing to discuss it with someone. A rainy Sunday afternoon found both of them home. Kuroo was reading a textbook while Kenma worked on a level in his game, laying over Kuroo’s lap. Kuroo had his hands running through Kenma’s hair and everything seemed as it should be.

“Hey, Kuro.” Kenma said.

“Hm?” Kuroo responded trying to find a good place to stop reading. Kenma waited until he did.

“In the first hospital, when I was falling under the second time. You said “I can’t do this without my best friend and soulmate.” right? Well, I want you to know that you’ll never have to try. While I am getting better, I’m not perfect, but I can tell you that I am never leaving you nor am I going to attempt to ever again.” Kenma rambled. Kuroo didn’t necessarily have to kiss his boyfriend, but he couldn’t hold back after the declaration of strength.

 

_If you must live darling one, just live._

_Just live._

 

A single year into the future brought big changes for both men. Kenma was offered an entry position in a game developing company. Kuroo had finished his residency in the hospital and began his career. The two of them moved out of the apartment with the stained tub and into a house. Things weren’t perfect. Kenma slipped into silence some days and some nights Kuroo would wake up in a cold sweat after seeing Kenma bloody in his dreams. However, overall the two managed to work through the biggest test they faced as a couple.

Tonight, Kuroo made Kenma’s favorite food for dinner and they sat down to watch a movie. It was some silly sci-fi movie that their friend recommended. Halfway through when Kuro saw how tired Kenma was getting, he opened the drawer in the end table and fished out a velvet box. Getting on one knee, he held the box perfectly and waited for Kenma to come back around to awareness. The initial apprehension in Kenma's eyes faded as he processed what the box was.

"Yes, of course." Was all he said.


End file.
